So here I am starting again. This time feels so diffrent, which is super scary since I think that every time. I am setting out on the journey of many selfs...self improvement, self discovery, and self acceptace. The path that has lead me to this point is the same as so many others and is in no way the point of this, and yet it is that past that I have clung to for fear of the great unknown. The bottom line is that I don't want to be fat anymore. I don't want to live with the self imposed restrictions or the restrictions placed on me by society.
It is my attempt to avoid the profound and simply focus on concrete facts. I love food. I love good food. I want to eat as much good food as I can because it makes me happy. It is my attempt to correct this behavior. Food should not make you happy... it should make you not hungry. I am 3 weeks into my 3rd attempt at weight watchers, but the constant obsessing over what I'm eating is very stressful so I decided I needed to find a hobby to take my focus off food. I wanted my hobby to be something that lent itself to a healthy lifestyle but had nothing to do with food.
I have always joked the only way that I was going to run was if I was being chased, and that was the god's honest truth. I had never even tried to run since I was a child in recess because I knew of anyone saw me they would mock my bouncing belly and jiggly ass. The fear of ridicule was strong enough to keep me from doing anything physical. This is the notion that drove me to choose my hobby. I have decided to take up running. Just thinking of me, the girl who wants to do nothing but play with makeup, go shopping, and eat every kind of decadent food I can get my chubby hands on, out of the pavement running like a normal person makes me want to laugh, and it also makes me fearful. What if I fail? I find myself not wanting to tell the people closest to me about my plans for fear that they won't be supportive. So for now this will be my outlet.
It is my goal that I will be able to run a mile without having to stop to walk or lay on the ground panting like animal. To be truthful, I'm not sure that I can do it which is not something I lightly admit.
So I spent a day doing some research on how to become a runner. The first logical step was to buy a pair of shoes. I went to the shoe stores in the mall, but that ended with me being frustrated but I was not ready to give up just yet. Following the advise of a crdible online resource I decided to go to The Athlete's Foot. The staff was amazing and I walked out with an amazing pair of shoes. If you had told me last week that I would own a pair of for real running shoes I would have laughed, but it is true and I couldn't be more excited. As soon as I got home from the shoe shopping and my weekly trip to Walmart and Publix I knew I wanted to do my first real run in my spiffy new shoes. Now run #1 is in the books. My left foot has some pain, but that is due to a prior condition that I should probably have checked out, but I know I won't. All and all I feel awesome and can't wait to go again. At first I am striving to go run/walk at least 3 days a week for 30 minutes. This doesn't seem like a lot but since I haven't done any kind of exercise in years I don't want to over do it in the beginning.
So here's to trying something I never thought I could do. My weigh day is tomorrow so I'll make sure I post that number. I feel I've had a fairly decent week and I'm looking forward to next week since I can hopefully take so of my focus off the food and focus on the running.
tata
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